‘But when Jesus overheard what was said, he told the synagogue leader, “Don’t be afraid, only believe.”
Mark 5:36
“You’re afraid.”
It wasn’t the first time someone had said this to me, nor would it be the last. While I’m confident in most areas of my life, I’m a coward when it comes to revealing myself creatively. It’s a part of who I am so a rejection feels personal.
Like my singing.
Growing up, I loved to sing, especially outside on my swing set in the backyard. I could sing for hours, tunes from old musicals like ‘Oklahoma’ or ‘South Pacific.’ My parents loved country music so I knew all the great songs from George Jones, Loretta Lynn and Johnny Cash. As I grew up, I joined the school chorus in middle school, excited to finally sing with a group. But a few weeks in, my best friend pulled me aside and told me the truth.
I didn’t sing very well.
I was heartbroken. Even as I grew up and was told what a beautiful voice I had (by two Grammy winners!) her words stayed with me, reminding me of my inability. I suffered horrible stage fright to the point I finally stopped singing. And it didn’t stop there. I questioned all of my ‘abilities.’ Had I only been selected for the ballet company because my teachers felt sorry for me? Is the writing I love to do really any good at all?
Which seems silly in the light of everything. God has blessed me with an adoring husband, two daughters and a son-in-love I love more than words, and two grandsons who give me more joy than one heart can hold. My life is a shower of blessings despite the hurt and pain that sometimes walk beside me in this journey. I’m truly a blessed woman.
So what I am afraid when it comes to something like writing a simple story? Because with my words, my heart is laid bare for all to see. What if readers don’t like what I have to say? Worse still, what if I disappoint God?
In my search of verses pertaining to fear, this one from Isaiah 41 spoke to me–‘For I, Yahweh your God, hold your right hand and say to you, do not be afraid, I will help you.’ God is holding my right hand–the same hand I write with–and telling me do not be afraid. He knows every word, sentence and paragraph I put to paper. He’s wrapped his arms around me, holding my hand steady. He takes my fear and encourages me. Any successes I have are due to Him.
Because He is my right-hand God!
